So you and your boyfriend spend a whole lot of time together but it usually isn’t just the two of you. You plan to go to the movies and somehow his little sister tags along. You plan a weekend getaway which turns into a family vacation for his whole family. His mom knows every single detail of your relationship and is the first to do the countdown to the days left before your anniversary.  You get phone calls and texts from his whole family combined more than you do from him. So out of the 9 months that you have been dating you might have possibly spent only a month in solitude. The rest is spent counselling the sister, grocery shopping with the mom, attending all the family functions and planning family picnics.

Image Courtesy: Chane Botha @art.swg.co.za

The good stuff:

He really likes you and trusts you enough to let you see him for who he really is. He is okay with you knowing his pet name and you seeing his childhood pictures. He wants to have you in every aspect of his life and really embraces the relationship you share with his family.  His family is important to him and so are you. The family also really likes and have taken you in as one of their own. That’s a great thing!

The bad stuff:

You probably don’t have an identity of your own as a couple. You will not have any alone time as your lives will revolve around his family. He might discuss things about your relationship that you might not be comfortable with. At some point you might end up feeling like his sister more than anything! You might genuinely appreciate the relationship you have with his peeps but secretly longing for some you and him time. The worst case scenario would be you getting involved in family politics and you do not want that!

At the end of the day you will have to put your cards on the table in manner that won’t make it seem like you don’t want to spend time with his family. Let him know that sometimes the little sister needs to stay or that it makes you uncomfortable to discuss your relationship with his mom.  He is a logical person and will understand and be quite pleased to know that sometimes you just want him all to yourself. Two weekends a month for just you and him is not an impossible request!

If there are certain things that you are not comfortable with discussing or doing with any family members just politely let them know that you’re not okay with discussing that. They know you by now and should be able to tell that it is not coming from a bad place!